I HAVE TO SHOW HER

Everybody's heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,super-secret base in Nevada, known simply  as "Area 51?"  Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.   The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.   By...

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DUMMY HUSBAND

DUMMY HUSBAND  A man asked his wife, "if you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"   "I'd love to be six again," she replied.   On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Off to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a...

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Dịch tiếng anh_The Bride wore white

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why’s the groom wearing black?” Dịch tiếng anh sang tiếng việt Áo cưới màu trắngLần đầu tiên dự một lễ cưới, bé gái nói thầm với mẹ: “Mẹ ơi tại sao cô dâu lại mặc bộ đồ màu trắng?”“Bởi vì màu trắng là màu của hạnh phúc, và ngày hôm nay là ngày hạnh phúc nhất trong đời của cô dâu.” Để...

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Truyện cười song ngữ_38. B. C 1187

Two men, who were visiting a Museum, were seen standing in front of an Egyptian mummy, over which hung a placard bearing the inscription : "B.C. 1187"Both visitors were much mystified thereby"What do you make of that, Jim ?""Well", said Jim, "I don't know; but maybe it was the number of the motorcar that killed him".38. Năm 1187 T.C.NTrong viện bảo tàng, người ta gặp hai du khách đang đứng trước một xác ướp Ai Cập, bên trên xác ướp ấy là một tấm bảng đề chữ "1187 TCN".Hai anh chàng nọ hết sức thắc mắc vì tấm bảng ấy.- Anh hiểu cái đó ra làm sao, Jim?- Chà, tôi cũng chịu. - Jim nói, - Nhưng...

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Truyện cười THIÊN TÀI GIẢI TOÁN

1 x 10 = 9 Một cái bánh giá 1 hào, 10 cái giá bao nhiêu?- Thưa thầy khoảng 9 hào ạ.- Sao lại 9 hào, con tính lại đi.- Thưa thầy, tại vì mua nhiều… họ bớt tiền cho ạ. 1 + 1 = bao nhiêu? Con trai đi học ngày đầu tiên, về nhà mẹ hỏi: “Con trai, hôm nay thầy giáo dạy con những gì?”.- Thầy không dạy con gì cả mẹ ạ, ngược lại còn hỏi con “1+1 bằng bao nhiêu”. Con liền dạy lại thầy: “Là 3″. 1 + 1 = Ngon Thầy giáo hỏi Tôm:- 1+1 bằng mấy?- Em không biết ạ.- Em về nhà hỏi mọi người, mai cho thầy đáp án.Tôm về nhà hỏi mẹ: “Mẹ ơi, 1+1 bằng mấy ạ?”. Người mẹ nghe xong câu hỏi, thiếu kiên...

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Dịch tiếng anh_Guess Who Sent Them

A young couple that had received many valuable wedding presents established their home in a suburb. One morning they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show in the city, with a single line : "Guess who sent them" The pair had much amusement in trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They duly attended the theatre, and had a delightful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value. And on the table in the dining room was a piece of paper on which was written...

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Dịch tiếng anh_May I Go In To Swim ?

Overheard on the beach at a coast resort. Small boy to his mother : "Mummy, may I go in to swim ?" "Certainly not, my dear, it's far too deep" "But daddy is swimming" "Yes, dear, but he's insured". Con xuống bơi được không ? Chuyện nghe được tại bãi tắm của một khu nghỉ mát ven biển. Chú bé hỏi mẹ : - Mẹ ơi, cho con xuống bơi được không? - Nhất định là không được, cưng à, nước sâu ghê lắm. - Nhưng ba đang bơi kia kìa. - Ba con bơi thì được; ổng có bảo hiểm rồ...

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Dịch tiếng anh_The Politicians and a farmer

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer s field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren t, but you know how them politicians lie." Các chính trị gia và Bác Nông dân Một xe buýt chở những chính trị gia đang lái...

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Dịch tiếng anh_The gift of the magi

One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it was in pennies. Pennies saved one and two at a time by bulldozing the grocer and the vegetable man and the butcher until one''s cheeks burned with the silent imputation of parsimony that such close dealing implied. Three times Della counted it. One dollar and eighty- seven cents. And the next day would be Christmas. There was clearly nothing to do but flop down on the shabby little couch and howl. So Della did it. Which instigates the moral reflection that life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating. While...

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Dịch tiếng anh_Owner Says Cat's Death from Cancer Saved His Life

Harold Jackson, 74, a retired refrigerator repairman in Cookeville, Tenn., a town about three hours east of Nashville, says he's alive today because of his cat. For 55 years, he had smoked a pack-and-half a day of cigarettes with little effect. Then a blessing in grim disguise – the death of a family cat – saved him from an undetected lung cancer.About a year ago, Harold and his wife, Joyce, 73, a retired nurse, noticed that one of their twin cats, a domestic shorthair named Peaches, seemed sick. She had little appetite and gasped for breath.The Jacksons' veterinarian, Jerry Flatt, gave...

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Dịch tiếng anh_Thick-skinned face

Aclean-shaven man was trying to make fun of man with a beard ."Do you know what the hardest substance in the world is ?" he asked innocently."Iron or stone ,is that right ? " answered the bearded man."No .,you're wrong ,Stone can be broken and iron can be softened by heat" the smoothfaced one said triumphantly."Well.what is the hardest substance ?" demanded the bearded one ."Your beard ,because it can push its way through the thick skin of yours face " laughed the teaser"The skin of my face may be thick ,but it's not as thick as yours" ,the bearded man said calmly ."What makes you think that...

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Dịch tiếng anh_ASKING PERMISSION

“Sir, your daughter says she loves me, and she can t live without me, and she wants to marry me.”“And you re asking my permission to marry her?”“No, I m asking you to make her leave me alone.” XIN PHÉP “Thưa bác, con gái bác nói yêu cháu, và cô ấy không sống được nếu không có cháu, và cô ấy muốn cưới cháu.”“Và anh đang xin tôi cưới nó à?”“Không, cháu đang hỏi bác làm sao cho cô ấy bỏ mặc cháu ạ.”...

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Dịch tiếng anh_THE PRESIDENT OF VERY FEW WORDS

President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church, but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she asked, “Was the sermon good?” “Yup,” was Coolidge s brief reply. “What was it about?” Grace asked. “Sin.” “And what did the minister say?” “He's against it.” VỊ TỔNG THỐNG RẤT KIỆM LỜI Tổng thống Mỹ thứ 30 Calvin Coolidge (1923-1929) là một người nói rất ngắn gọn. Một chủ nhật, ông đi nhà thờ, nhưng phu nhân Grace ở nhà. Khi ông quay về, bà hỏi:”Bài giảng có hay không” “Có,” ông trả lời ngắn gọn. “Chủ đề...

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Dịch tiếng anh_Trained cat

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. “Don t worry,” my husband reassured me. “I ll have him trained in no time.” I watched for several days as my husband patiently “trained” our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa. CHÚ MÈO ĐƯỢC HUẤN LUYỆN Đứa con gái trẻ của chúng tôi nuôi một con mèo lạc. Nhưng chú ta bắt đầu dùng phía sau của...

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